November 21, 2012 at 11:10 am #1505
I have come to this conclusion that it is rather taboo for women to discuss or even mention the fact that they have extra marital affairs.
Women are always talking about their men cheating and how bad done by they are, all sympathies to them. But I am finding it quiet difficult to find related topics on When Women Cheat. And when I do come across them, its the men talking about their women cheating. There is not much around from the women’s point of view.
Or am I being naive in thinking this is not spoken about.November 21, 2012 at 8:04 pm #1516
I think you are right, there is a taboo and a much harsher judgement on women who cheat than men who do the exact same.November 22, 2012 at 8:16 am #1521
Definitely a big double standard, and also think that women are more ashamed to admit their wrong doings.November 22, 2012 at 8:29 am #1522
When a women makes the decision to have an affair its far more of a big deal than when a man does, we as women tend to invest somewhat emotionally more than physically in an affair. And when it does come out, women are called all the four letter words under the sun. I know of some women who have been ex-communicated from their family and loved ones because they had an affair. What is it that makes people (especially other women) so judgemental?November 22, 2012 at 9:59 am #1530
I think it is how we are raised. It’s ok for men to have a trillion girlfriends, but girls have to remain virginal and pure? It’s interesting, because for every man that cheats you need and equally willing woman. It’s a total double standard. It’s ok for a man who is not “sattisfied” by his wife to look around. It’s her own fault right, for not looking after his needs, but from days of old society teaches us women are subservient to men, and our needs come second to that of our mans. Utter rubbish in the modern day and age where women are educated and bring home as much bacon as the man does if not more.
Very interesting indeed considering everyone can do what they want these days. It’s ok to be gay, bi, tri whatever, but, as a woman, have an affair and you are crucified………………November 22, 2012 at 10:51 am #1532
I agree with what the ladies are saying. Males and females get involved in affairs for different reasons. For a male, a short fling to boost his deflated ego, is enough, where from my own experience, females want more than that. I have had to transfer more than one married female to another office, just not to start something that we both knew could go nowhere. Unhappily married females ( and males ) respond to attention in a way that encourages more attention.. As a boss, being friendly and a good listener, may send out the wrong signals, unintentionally. This time of the year, it gets much worse, especially at office parties, after a few ( too may) drinks.. Women don’t talk about affairs, and men boast about it ( normally lying through their teeth. ) My advice, stay away as soon as the first red light comes on ! In most cases, somebody gets hurt, and it is just not worth it. Fix what is lacking between you and your spouse !!!November 22, 2012 at 11:41 am #1536
There is absolutely no valid reason or excuse to have an affair (alcohol or not LOL)……..wait scrap that. There are always valid reasons for affairs to happen. And for a women there are many unspoken reasons. I pose this question though: Perfect house, perfect kid, perfect father, perfect career, supportive family, two dogs, two goldfish, full time domestic worker – why does the wife feel the need to cheat?November 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm #1539
Because the perfect house and the dogs and the career and the domestic worker is not what makes a woman happy. Women want to be loved and cherished and to be special. Emotional wellbeing is what I am talking about. If a woman feels emotionally neglected and does not get any attention, of course the first man that flashes her a sexy smile is going to attract her interest and more.
When the husband is chasing all that perfection you talk about, something is going to be neglected, and if it ‘s the wife, she is going to look for those things elsewhere – just the same as a man is going to go looking for sex elsewhere if the wife never in the mood.November 22, 2012 at 2:35 pm #1545
Jules, you sound like one unhappy camper.. We must always try to remember what it was that attracted you to the other party.. If it was a well looked after body, try your best to keep it that way. Too may couples become disinterested, when the other let’s it go.. Do things together, gym together, always encourage the other to look their best. Hair, clothing, nails, body etc.. Participate in what the other enjoys doing, even if you don’t really like it. If you don’t scuba, at least go with. If you don’t bungy or skydive, at least go with. If you don’t like going to the movies or shops, at least go with. Never let the other start doing too many things on their own..that’s where it all starts ! Make your partner want you, and to be with you..Spoil the other by doing small things that they enjoy.. Don’t wait too long ! Once the fire is dead, it takes quite a big flame to get it going again, and that flame could be coming from somebody else !!November 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm #1548
My hubby of 4 years and I are on rocky waters at present. It’s so bad that I have minimised the conversation between us. I speak to him only when necesary and am in no rush to “fix” what’s broken. He has suddenly decided that my way of speaking to him is unacceptable to him. Hence the reason for my silence. And no, this has just suddenly sprung from no where.
So I have this good friend whom I share alot with. We got a talking about this ïssue”between hubby and myself and because he has been unfaithful before, my friend does not think very highly of him.
After coffee and some tears we started chatting about other things and yes….he has had a crush on me for years and is in a committed relationship.
Somehow the conversation became riskier and riskier. We were treading on thin ice, but reality nudged me back to reality.
Where would all this lead. Is an affair worth my children’s unhappiness, my guilt feelings and losing a very good friend?
My Answer………No but it could have been very diffirent.
So it can happen to anyone……..even the best of us are at risk of infidelity.November 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm #1550
CHRISMAR: Brilliant advise on the do things together. Excuse me as I quickly role my eyes. Women unfortunately are always the ones making the sacrifice to “do things together” The sexy lingerie, keeping in shape, the activity planning, the date nights, the holidays, watching of sports (and showing interest), ensuring the child is in bed early for some ‘alone’ time, dinner, bubble baths, oh and before I forget brings home the bacon too – all things done by the women. I think I answered my earlier question.
JULES: Eighteen years down the line and I think the woman has run out of ideas LOL!November 22, 2012 at 3:36 pm #1552
Ataner, it sounds like the fire between you and your husband died long ago.. I feel sorry for you, but if none of those things you have tried worked, the end is near.. If my wife did 25% of what you mentioned, I would be walking on clouds and treat her even more like a queen ! !
Carlie, I also feel sorry for you. I went through exactly what you are going through, and had to find the real reason both my Wife and I did not respect the other as much any more, and was willing to hurt the other by saying the wrong things, and eventually keeping quiet most of the time. Fortunately we sorted out our problems, and avoid any topic where we disagree from the other. Talk about the things you loved doing together. If you have lost the will to try and save the relationship, there is not much more left.. Avoid your husband’s friend until you have sorted things out.. For the sake of those 2 beautiful young children, don’t just give up please..November 22, 2012 at 3:41 pm #1553
When Women Cheat we look for…………………………….
Does the 80/20 rule work here?
The Rule: You will always ever be 80% happy in a relationship and the 20% that’s not there will look so inviting out there. Do you sacrifice your 20% to be 80% happy?November 22, 2012 at 3:57 pm #1554
What is the diffirence between men and woman cheating? Both will have the same excuse ” he this/she that” . But will either accept or admit to their part in the break of trust and what went on behind CLOSED doors. He/she this ,but what is your part in the story?Remember it takes two to tango.” Modern day life ” but remember that you can not change God’s word like you change your clothing or car. Work as hard as you can,bring your side and forget about going outside your marriage for happiness , because it never lasts.November 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm #1555
The Listener: Its rather difficult to admit to a problem if neither are willing to accept there is a problem.
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