January 11, 2013 at 3:01 pm #1821
Don’t normally do this but I need some advise from random people who do not know me.
Last year November I met a beautiful and intelligent girl. Right now we’re just seeing one another, not actively dating. She recently (well 2 years back) came out of a long term relationship that lasted for about 10 years. She has a lot of emotional damage that she needs to deal with.
I told her that I’ll give her space and time to deal with those issues but not to push me to one side. I’ve fallen in love with her but she is too caught up with her own things that she does not realise it. Also, I cannot tell her that because she is scared (and told me this) that she WILL hurt me. I’m a big boy, been through a lot of stuff in my life most young guys will never go through, and I’m ok with the “possibility” of being hurt.
I cannot tell her how I trully feel, cannot love her (not meaning sex), and do romantic things for her. Even though I compliment her a lot of times, I never receive anything back, which I’m ok with (because she told me that she never had that in her previous relationship, never had someone care as much as I do). But it makes things complicated because I am limited to what I can do for her.
I’m not entirely sure how to handle the situation correctly, like I said, I’m giving her space and time, not pressurising her into anything or expecting anything back, but it bothers me in the back of my head. What more can one do?
My brain says I should stop and look for someone else, but my heart says that she could be the one. Now that I’ve developed feelings for her, its 10 times more complicated.
Any thoughts?January 13, 2013 at 5:52 pm #1826
Hi flo_pain, it’s clear from this that you are a caring and sensitive person. But it worries me that you are bending over backwards to be careful around this person, and are not getting the same in return. I would suggest taking a full break from her (two weeks at least), to decide if you are really getting what you deserve here. My guess, you are not.January 16, 2013 at 12:00 pm #1847
I can actually relate and perhaps give you advice. Your girlfriend sounds very much like how i was/am?
I dont think any body truely realizes it until they have been through it themselves.
Is it a good idea that you start a relationship with this lady? Im not sure. You do seem to be rather sensitive and a good person that actually wants to take care of her. Unfortunatly you might get frustrated.
I can give you an idea of what to expect or what you have already felt.
She is most likly numb to affection – most likely never got much if at all in her previous relationship and she will need to re-learn all this.
She most likely won’t open up for a while, ask for help or even inform you of what she is feeling, doing, planning. Because her ex never cared. – something she will have to learn again.
She says she will hurt you, in a sense that she feels she isnt good enough for you, she most likely knows how damaged she really is.
Basically what im trying to say is right now, she probably has no idea how to be in a normal caring relationship because of her bad past experience.
She might even be scared into getting into a relationship, she might also have a anger/temper issue, will be defensive as well. Many things to consider.
If you do want to be with her, you will need to be patient and understanding.
Good luck. Its been 5 years since my relationship with my ex and i still have issues with trying to be normal in a relationship. But my partner is still happy with me so i guess im doing something right
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