February 1, 2013 at 10:18 am #1908
My husband cheated on me and the mistress fell pregnant. She then had a miscarriage without telling my husband. She was 4 months pregnant. She knew my husband was coming back to me and we were going to try and mend our 39 year marriage. She had fallen pregnant again before he told her that he has loved me too long and was going to leave her. Her mother now wants my husband to look after her while she is away in Portugal so she can rent her house out and make some money. I think this was a whole scam that she made sure she fell pregnant again. What are your thoughts. He lives in Maputo and I live in Johannesburg. We are trying everything to be together to try save our marriage!February 1, 2013 at 2:49 pm #1910
I do not wish to sound like the prophet of doom, but, something is not right here. He loves you too much to just chuck away 39 years, and he knows he is going to leave her, but he is still sleeping with her? Why did he not just tell her and leave her? And obviously not using protection either. The mind boggles at this. Did he WANT to make her pregnant, not ensuring that there was prevention in place?
How convenient. A wife who loves him and will do anything for him in JHB, and a mistress to keep him occupied in Maputo. How sure are you that the mother wanting him to look afater her while she is away is not just a story to justify him living with her?
I think your husband was a fool letting her get pregnant. I think your husband has his bread buttered on both sides, and I think the person who is going to end up hurt is you. If you are really going to save your marriage, one of you needs to move. With infidelity, and him having fathered her child, I see no way you are going to make it work long distance.
I wish you luck.February 4, 2013 at 10:22 am #1912
I feel sorry for you but your husband like having both of you. Why did he get het pregnand again when there is bith contol. Has he never heard of condoms? He could easily allow you to get STD. How sure is he that this is his child?February 4, 2013 at 10:46 am #1913
Rene, if your husband was going to call it off he would have done so. Yet he continued sleeping with her after she had a miscarriage and when your pain was evident. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but he seems to like having his bread buttered on both sides, and it’s easy with the distance which separates you. Take a long hard look at his actions, not the lip-service he’s paying you.
I was in a 14 year marriage where my husband ended up drinking excessively and unbeknown to me, doing drugs. I blamed his friends for his behaviour and influencing him. The day I found out he was doing drugs, I took a hard look at the situation and realised that it wasn’t his friends, but his own behaviour which was the problem. I started divorce proceedings to get myself and my children away from a bad, financially sinking situation, and 6 months later to the day I was divorced. I haven’t looked back (6.5 years ago), and wished I did it sooner. The uncertainty of his mood and alcoholic state when he got home, how I had to be careful of my words, and stay out of his way no longer affected me. My children and I are happy with my “new” wonderful man of 4 years. There is life after heartbreak.
You deserve better, and frankly, life can only be better without him, the lies, and the uncertainty of your future.
Good luck, I sincerely hope you do the right thing for yourself to be happy!February 4, 2013 at 12:06 pm #1916
tut tut tut – move on leave the punkFebruary 4, 2013 at 1:55 pm #1917
Whilst I know you must be in a lot of pain right now, my opinion is that your husband has thrown away 39 years of your trust and love to sleep with this woman. He doesn’t deserve your heartache and I’m in agreement with the other commenters. Move on because he had no intention of finishing off this relationship had he meant to he would have done so immediately you found out and stopped seeing her altogether.
Get yourself a good divorce lawyer and get as much out of this divorce as you can for the 39 years of loyalty you’re given this man and then take some time to heal yourself.
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