Step kids moving with us

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  HeskethAvenue 10 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #2820

    nn
    Participant

    Hi,

    My partner feels that his two kids must move in with us because suddenly he does not trust his mother with his kids, this women has been the one who was taking care of these kids since they were in their nappies, because him and his ex were not able to do it, I personally do not agree with this, I have no issues with him sending money and all the necessities to his mom for his kids, but them to move in my house, I cannot handle it. What do you guys think?

    #2821

    Jules
    Participant

    Your house?  Or your and your HUSBAND’s house?

    As a single mom, who would like the man I eventually live happily ever after with to accept my children as I accept his, I find you extremely selfish.

    You cannot ask him to choose between you and his kids.  If it were my decision, my kids would  win hands down, and I would dump you like a hot cake.

    If you cannot handle it, by all means, you know where the door is.

    #2840

    Buttercup1
    Participant

    I totally agree with Jules. You knew he had kids, did you expect them  to remain a seperate part of your life forever? If you wants the kids to be nothing more than a monetary obligation then maybe date a man who doesn”t have kids.

    #2841

    KennethMthethwa
    Participant

    I think you are very selfish lady.If it was you with kids,would you have expected the same from your boyfriend?

    #2843

    SR
    Participant

    You have no issues with him sending money to his mom to help with kids, but that is it? WOW, never thought i would hear words like that from a woman. Have you maybe thought that it is cause his mom is starting to get older and it may be becoming difficult for her?  If he is now able to look after his kids, then he should and it is his responsiblity after all, not his mothers.

    #2854

    Perter
    Participant

    Do you expect his mother who has already raised her children to raise his children as well. She is in the twilight years of her life where she should be relaxing not looking after kids

     

    You knew he had baggage and yet you continued with the relationship. You have no one but yourself to blame and I find you very selfish

    #2861

    nn
    Participant

    Jules

    unfortnately it is my house.

    #2862

    Jules
    Participant

    Then you must ask him to find himself somewhere else to stay as you do not see your way clear to accepting his kids.

    Having had the experience of a man not accepting my child, I am sorry, but I have zero sympathy for you.  With respect, but, I think this man is better off finding himself a loving, caring, warm hearted person who will not worry whose house it is, but will be more concerned with building a life for the grater good of everyone concerned.  I hope he has the courage to go out there and find himself that person.  It is clearly not you.

    #4537

    britt9969
    Participant

    First, I realise this is an old topic, but I feel I need to leave my thoughs here for others who find themselves in a similar situation.

    Next, I’m sorry you had to endure the horrible deconstructive critisisms from all the closed-minded, intolerant, holier than thou, jerks.

    Now, unfortunately, you are with a man who has children, and as a result, you will always be second to them in his eyes. It sucks, I know. I’m in the same situation.

    But you are with him because of him. Not because of his job, or money, or because he has children. That all has nothing to do with it.

    A child’s safety always come before an adult’s comfort no matter what.
    However, you do not need to love or like the offspring of his ex-partner, just like you don’t need to love your parents in-law. However, you do need to tolerate them.

    I made it clear from the start to my husband that I am not his children’s stepmother. I am his wife, and that is all. I support him, and he cares for them. As far as I’m concerned, they are just another family member that live with us, and I don’t have to do a thing. This works well for everyone. No drama, no pain, no problems.

    I don’t hate children, I just dont like them. His children are no exception, and if some people don’t like that, then that’s their problem.

    I hope this has helps :)

    #11584

    HeskethAvenue
    Participant

    Dear NN,
    I just joined this forum today because I wanted advise on how to step parent. I would also like to believe that this forum is for us to give honest advise to each other, not criticize others for what and how they feel.
    I applaud you NN for being honest enough and not be ashamed of your feelings. Even if it were his house, you have 100% rights as him to decide who lives there. As a step parent, I find it difficult and overbearing having to deal with my husbands child from a previous relationship. BUT, its what my husband comes with. You too have to see it that way. The two kids do not have to be a part of your life forcefully, but you can seek other alternatives. Remember, he needs to make you happy too, he needs to take care of his kids too because they will grow up and start their own lives without Daddy. He best remember that when they leave, you will remain behind.

    Its easy for single mothers to call us selfish *yawns*, but kids from previous relationships can be very manipulative. They know that Daddy has a new girlfriend etc, and they are also fed nonsense by their mothers who think they are being honest but killing the childs mentality.

    Anyway, I hope you spoke to your partner. You both have the right to be heard and decide what will happen to the kids. If he does not trust the mother of his kids, then he can communicate this with the courts and allow them to investigate and give guidance on the way forward, in the best interest of the kids!

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