needing some supportt

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This topic contains 25 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by  Woodcarver 1 year, 3 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)
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  • #1350

    reneinpain
    Participant

    What would you do after you have been married for 39 years and your husband has an affair and gets the girl pregnant.  Leave him or not.  He has been your best friend, other half and lover.

    #1351

    Jules
    Participant

    Wow, I am so sorry, that must be really tough to deal with.  39 years is a life time.  I am ever so sorry to hear that. 

    Is she going to keep the baby?  Does he have feelings for her?  39 years is a long time to just throw away, however, I don’t think that I would be able to tolerate a cheating husband, who fathered another woman’s child. 

    Have you spoken to him ?  What is he planning to do, and how involved is he planning to be in the child’s life?

    My decision would be based on how involved he was going to be with the woman and the child.  If he is still seeing her at the moment, I would dump him like a hot cake.  If you choose to stay in your marriage, trust will be huge for you, and he will have to work really hard at that.  I dont know if I could trust again. 

    I wish you all the best, in whatever decision you make.

    Jules.

    #1353

    reneinpain
    Participant

    She is keeping the baby and my husband is taking responsibility of the child.  I will know more on the 20th when he comes back from his trip.  I will need him to define responsibility.  I do not think that I am strong enough to know that he will always be linked to her through the child and like you say, trust will be the issue.

    #1354

    reneinpain
    Participant

    It is just so difficult to make the decision and know whether it is the right one or not.

    #1357

    Rene
    Participant

    Hello namesake. That is a really, really horrible situation that you’re are in. 39 years is not something that you can just throw away, but I’m also not sure if you’ll ever be able to get over this.

    #1359

    Jules
    Participant

    I am just curious, if you dont mind.  How old is your husband, and how old is this woman

    #1360

    reneinpain
    Participant

    He is 60 and she is 35.  I am 58.  We are at the brink of retirement.

    #1361

    Rene
    Participant

    I’m just shaking my head now thinking about men.

    I can’t imagine that you would want to start over on your own at that age, but if there is no other option you can do that.

    #1362

    Maria
    Participant

    I cannot begin to imagine the pain this must cause for you and I agree that you must find out what your husband’s intentions are before you make any decisions.  Is he sure the child is his?  A paternity test might be a good idea, along with testing for HIV and other STD’s.

    #1364

    Jules
    Participant

    Agree wtih Maria about the paternity testing and the std testing. 

    Wow,  I am really so sorry.   The age difference is massive.  I cannot see that she could possibly have anything in common with him.

    #1365

    reneinpain
    Participant

    Hiv test was done which he says was negative.  I have also told him to do a paternity test, but will only know all the answers to my questions on the 20th of this month.  She is not for abortion, so maybe she just wanted a child and caught him.  When I asked whether he loved her, his question was: “Can you love two people”.  He still wants me and says he still loves me.

    #1368

    Angel
    Participant

    Fistly, I am very sorry to have read about what happened to you. I don’t wish that on anybody.

    That is dission you should make for your self if you want to stay or go. The question should be, will and can you forgive him for what he has done and will you be able to live with it. Also she will always be apart of your life if he says he wants to be part of his child’s life.

    This is very difficult descission to make.

    Do you have children?

    #1369

    reneinpain
    Participant

    I have three beautiful daughters aged 30, 34, and 36.  Two grandchildren a girl of 10 and a boy of 6.  I do not know whether I will be emotionally strong enough to deal with the fact that he will always have ties with her.

    #1370

    Jules
    Participant

    I would want to see it with my own eyes, in black and white that the test was indeed negative.

    I don’t know whether you can love two people, I do wonder though if he is not maybe infatuated with her. 

    The question is more, where is his commitment going to lie down the line.  Is he going to put the dolly and the baby above you, or will you come first in his life?

    #1371

    reneinpain
    Participant

    I am definitely going to request to see the test results.  Like everybody says 39 years is a long time to be with somebody and the shock is just too much to bear.  One cannot conceive that somebody can do that to the person they are supposed to love.

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