Tagged: Help me
October 18, 2013 at 4:36 pm #3622
I met someone online a year ago. He cheated on me. The very moment I thought of living him, I found out that I was pregnant. I was probably a month pregnant. He was controlling, mentally abusive, I was depressed most of the time, the pregnancy was like prison for me. He used to call all the numbers in my phone, called all the guys in my phone contacts, go through my emails. I was told what to wear. All the guys we met he said I had slept with. Actually, on finding out that I was pregnant, he said that he wanted DNA test immediately. However, he asked me to marry him.
Then something happened. I was offered a scholarship. I terminated without telling him. He confronted me about it, and I said it was a miscarriage. He asked that I tell him the truth. I cannot. Obviously the relationship is doomed, so we are no longer together because of this. I don’t know what to do.October 18, 2013 at 6:36 pm #3623
Congratulations on your scholarship. Clearly you are much better off without this guy so what you do is get on with life, enjoy your studies and find someone who will love, respect and support rather than control you.October 18, 2013 at 6:56 pm #3624
It is done, it is finished, the relationship is over, you have done what you have done, and that cannot be changed, much as I CANNOT condone it or feel sorry for you on that level because you took a human life. Justify it anyway you like, but that is what it boils down to.
The very first thing I would do, is go for counselling, because this is huge. I do not believe in terminating pregnancies, but, this is done, and I am concerned about what this is going to do to you psychologically though, and you need to do something about it. Find a Christian Counsellor if you can. I think that this would be a good place for you to find comfort and forgiveness, since you said “Lord have mercy on me” which makes me think that you will need to do that going forward so that this does not ruin the rest of your life.
The question that comes up for me is, why why why why didn’t you MAKE SURE you were protected properly. Accidents are extremely few and far between if you prevent correctly, and it stuns me that so many women have “accidents” I don’t buy it, I think it’s plain irresponsible a lifetime’s misery for what… 20 minutes tops……
Should you tell him? That depends…… He sounds psychotic to the endth degree, and I would not tell him if I felt that it would place my life in danger. Take the scholarship, move away and move on – forget that he ever existed. Get the counselling you need. If however you fell safe to do so, tell him the truth. The truth will set you free, and with everything else your soul is burdened with, you can do without that on your conscience as well.
Forget about him. C’mon. You are a smart intelligent woman. Do you really need to be told what to wear, when to come, when to go, who you can and cannot speak to? And considering he was the one who cheated, that is really rich. Did he also dictate which way you should wipe your bum in the toilet? Sorry to be rude, but, I am sure you get what I am trying to say here.
You are better off without this man in your life. I know it hurts to love and then lose, and I cannot even imagine the hell you are going through after what you describe, but you have your life ahead of you.
Marry him, Hell NO !!!! Further, stay single until all your wounds heal, and you are able to make better decisions for your life. The one better decision I make for myself is, “A man is a nice to have, not a have to have”. The first time he goes through my phone is also the last time, because then he can hit the road and never come back. The same with my pc, my personal documents, my drawers ect. If he feels I cannot be trusted and he needs to do these things, then it’s doomed anyway and we are wasting each other’s time. Vice versa is also true. If I feel I need to go through his stuff to find out what he’s up to, it’s a matter of time before it goes pear shaped. I don’t take any cr@p from a man. If I don’t like something, I say so, and if it does not change, I am out of there faster than you can blink. Why do I need to make myself miserable, unhappy and depressed because he has issues? Learn this early in life. You NEVER put yourself last to a man’s ego.
And that is all I have to say about that.
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