January 10, 2013 at 10:17 am #1800
Hi everyone. I’m sort of new at this but there’s something I just need to get it out or I’ll pop! And too proud and ashamed to admit this to anyone. Almost every night for the past 2 years and like…9 months I’ve literally been crying like a sorry sob over someone i left. He was just so insecure and jealous that I thought it would do him good if I left him, that he would have time to think and hopefully get help but he didn’t.
Instead he found someone who condoled him and ended up falling for her. they’re still together from when we broke up (time period mentioned in first paragraph) and I just cant seem to win him back. I realized that maybe I didn’t try hard enough or wasn’t persistent enough in helping him get help. I blame myself and cry so much it hurts. Want to so badly move on and unconsciously send signals to guys that I want someone for a boyfriend someone to move on with, when all they’re interested in is “fun”.
heartbrokenJanuary 10, 2013 at 11:51 am #1802
He forgot about you long time ago. So your crying is only preventing you to move on.
Dont cry over spilled milk, no matter what you can do he is gone. Trust me, when he comes back (incase he does) he will not be the same and relationship wont be the same.
MOVE ON.January 10, 2013 at 12:02 pm #1803
Thanks for your response. I’ve told myself those very words…its just ACTUALLY applying them that i have a hard time doing.January 10, 2013 at 12:04 pm #1804
Hi Rosa – You’ve been mourning this relationship for a long time, and I would suggest it’s time to get some professional help in dealing with why you can’t move on, when he clearly has. You have a lot to offer the right person, but you can’t bring your best self to a new relationship when you have this hanging around your neck. Call LifeLine and they will put you in touch with someone to talk to.January 10, 2013 at 12:08 pm #1806
wow…didn’t think that after suggesting that he get help back then for his jealousy and possessiveness that I’d be the one now perhaps needing it. What have I got to lose right…damn. Anyway thank you i value your responses ladies.January 11, 2013 at 8:53 am #1814
I’m sorry to hear about what’s troubling you.
As the ladies have already said; he’s obviously moved on – and so should you. He more than likely saw the break up as a form abandonment instead of what it was: tough love and an attempt to help. People who see the negative in our actions when we’re trying to help generally don’t want the help because they don’t want to admit that they have a failing that needs addressing. You made the right choice, he made the wrong one and obviously lost out on someone special. His loss.
You said: “ I realized that maybe I didn’t try hard enough or wasn’t persistent enough in helping him get help.” – When we use ‘maybe’ at the start of a statement as you did, it shows that we aren’t entirely convinced of what we’re saying. I believe you did try hard and were persistent but it didn’t work. Your last resort was to break up with him. There is nothing wrong in doing this; you have done nothing wrong.
You want to move on, might I suggest that you put a guy to the test? Men who are looking for fun won’t hang around if they know you aren’t going to “put out,” a man who is interested in you for more than just your body on the other hand, will. Abstaining from sex (in any form) for a while will help weed out the players from the real men and let you find the right guy with whom you can move on. Don’t rush into a relationship; find a nice guy and take it slow. Only cement the relationship in the bedroom once you’re sure he isn’t trying to play you; if this takes a month or two or more so be it. The guy for you will wait as long as it takes.
Lastly, try to let go of your pride and open up to your closest of friends (either individually or in a group). There is nothing shameful over mourning a lost relationship; it took me almost 2 years to get over my ex-girlfriend; irrespective of the fact that she cheated (and had his baby).
I wish you all the best and hope that 2013 brings you the happiness you long for.
SabbzJanuary 11, 2013 at 10:23 am #1815
I think it helps that you can relate to what I went through…and hearing about how she got pregnant and things make my situation seem so much less painful because I mean here I’m going on about how I left someone and regret it and you’ve gone through that.
I admire you for sharing this with me because it’s something huge. Motivates me to look at my situation differently.
About the ‘guys having to wait’ part I agree. It’s like filtering through all the bad apples to get to the best one right
I feel a lot better already and will do all I can to only go forward from here on out.
GratefulJanuary 11, 2013 at 12:46 pm #1817
It’s always about filtering; far too often men and women rush into the next relationship after a break up in the hope that ‘this one is “the” one’; more often than not they’re wrong and it becomes a vicious cycle.
I had the fortune (or misfortune?) of learning this early on in my dating-career which is why I never rush into a relationship and I certainly don’t sleep with her within the first week – my usual waiting period is about a month (I also need to feel an emotional connection otherwise it’s just sex and that – for me – is just plain boring).
I’m glad I’ve been of some help to you and hope that you one day come back here and tell us of this amazing guy you’ve met and how he makes you feel like a million bucks.
All the best,
SabbzJanuary 11, 2013 at 2:48 pm #1820
I think a serious relationship is equal to marriage.
What does the priest say when a man and a woman gets married? (For better or worst, through sickness and health till death do us part.)
That was a stupid thing you did and I hope you learnt a valuable lesson. I just hope you will teach others not to make the same mistake.
Move on and don’t make the same mistake again.January 14, 2013 at 10:18 am #1831
I disagree somewhat with @loueldon in the sense that when you get married, you make a promise to each other, but more importantly, you make a promise to God. So a serious relationship is not the same because you are bound to your promise.
Remeber that life on earth is short and we should not waste time in longing for things that belong in the past and we cannot change. Sometimes we think that the right person came along and past, but there is reason for all of this and there is a greater plan. Force yourself to move on because you are denying yourself from better things.
FerdieJanuary 14, 2013 at 10:28 am #1832
Good morning all, trust you’re doing well.
@ Loueldon, nobody should put up with emotional abuse and feel like they’re there’s only one person in the relationship actually trying so hard by giving up their friends…family..job, to make it work. We both know here that you were not the one in this situation so I don’t think you should be so quick to judge me hey. Also a relationship is to name one example, about mutually working together to stay together isn’t it? And Ferdie i think that I much more agree with what you’re saying, it’s just that I found it hard to actually apply the concept of ‘moving on”’, but I’m sure with the help and caring feedback everybody here is giving me….with time I’ll be able to look back and be okay with the fact that we will never be together againJanuary 14, 2013 at 2:42 pm #1835
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