conflit with my fiancee on how im raising my daughter!

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  armosyn 1 year, 10 months ago.

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  • #1871

    mirfussme
    Participant

    I was a single mom for a year and coming from a single parent life I do some things that my fiancee doesn’t approve of. We have been together for a year and a half now and are still having problems seeing eye to eye on how my daughter does things and how I do things with her. He steps in and tries to take control of the situation and it just makes me feel hurt and that I’m not doing good enough with her. He’s constantly making me feel like a bad mom. How do i get him to be more involved with us and the things we do as mother daughter so he sees why I do the things I do? Not that im just letting her get away with things but doing them to best suit the way we function? We are expecting a baby here in two months and I’m just afraid its going to get more difficult and more stressful once the baby gets her because I won’t be doing things right with the baby either. Any help on this would be appreciated.

    #1874

    Jo
    Participant

    Hi there, Its always an adjustment for the non bio parent to get used to how you do things. Thing is, its not just you and your child anymore but your new partner.

    Number 1 thing that people do wrong is not come to an agreeable form of punishment, dicipline etc. You two should be constantly communicating about your child. Talk to each other about what should be done when she does something wrong and then come to an agreement.

    Also what you think is perfectly fine behaviour might not be to your partner so its best to hear what he has to say. Also learn to trust each other when making a decision with the child. Because i can sense you do not trust him and that can arrise more complications with the new child coming along.

    If you feel he is out of line, wait until your daughter is out of the room and then say, you could of handled it this way, or perhaps you were being to hard on her and then explain your reason. You want to be heard and so does your partner. If you argue about this in front of your child, she then can use this to manipulate the situation and you both need to be united in raising the child.

    Just remember he isnt an outsider, a stranger but your partner and praps one day your husband. He is there to help you and you to him.

    #1876

    armosyn
    Participant

    I just want to give you my penny’s worth.  Let me guess. He complains that you don’t dicipline your child enough?  Well, as it goes with stepdads and this effed up need to disipline, I can tell you that this guy is walking on thin ice.  Once his “own” child is going to be there, it is going to get a lot worse for your firstborn.  It has the possibility of turning downright nasty for her.  Does your first child see or have contact with her biological father?  I would suggest you go see a family therespist of some sorts as a matter of urgency to know how to deal with this so you all walk out as winners here.  You need professional guidance, because this is a slippery road you are on and the only one to loose here is your first child.

    #1887

    Anonymous

    You are her mother, you must ultimately decide. But your partner is going to have a say in the new baby’s life. I think it’s time you sat down and truly discussed everything in a kind, open and friendly manner. Make notes, decide on rules and work together, for the good of your children. If you need help, maybe talk to Famsa and see if you need some counselling. Good luck.

    #1891

    ansiew
    Participant

    He is going to get worse once the baby is born. My child was everything to him until our son was born.  He then took me out of his will and wanted be to sent “That bluddy child” to bording school.    I am now a happily divorced woman taking care of both my children.

    #1945

    armosyn
    Participant

    besides making you feel like a bad mom, it worries me that you are more concerned about how his behaviour makes YOU feel than about how it makes your daughter feel.  Do you realise or are you aware of the impact it has on your daughter?  Duh..

    He will not critisize how you raise the new baby as it is his, and he will be a softie with it.  He will only have this overwhelming need to dissipline your child, who is not his, but you will see that he will not have the same need for dissipline with his own.  So, stop worrying about that part of it, and grow some and protect your child against this bully.

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